Well, it has been an interesting week. After the journal of last Friday (which I might just delete because I feel a bit silly now, immediately posting my angsts like some sort of ridiculous teenager), I would have to say I'm doing wonderfully. In retrospect, the whole heartbreak experience was not much more than God's work to steer me back to focus on Him, not on what I wanted--or thought I wanted. I mean, when you spend a lot of your quiet times asking "Please teach me how to trust You," eventually you are going to learn. And I finally, finally learned that trust involves knowing that there will be pain in life but expecting Christ to get me through it, even if it hurts right now.

I also realized just how blessed I am to have the close friends that I do at Union. One of them invited me to dinner on Wednesday night, and I was still upset but trying to hide it. You know how it is: you put on a brave face and try to smile at everyone. "Hey, how are you?!" "I'm great, thanks!" Except you're lying about that part. It was pretty bad since, at lunch, I had seen the guy in question and he actually hugged me since it was the first time we'd seen each other since the start of the semester. That hug almost made me burst into tears, especially since some friends I was with immediately demanded to hear the story of his proposal and I was in the midst of them feeling like I was dying. (I still don't know what the story is. I listened to the sound of his voice, not the words, and pretended to people-watch.)

But Wednesday night, at dinner, I was out of sorts and kind of picking at my food. When I laughed, it was pretty flat. Eventually she just looked me right in the eyes and said, "My emotional Spidey senses are tingling. What's up?" She followed that with "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to" but I really did want to. I had to tell somebody. I had told another friend the night of the heartbreak (sounds so melodramatic, doesn't it?) but it was through text message and I never quite felt as if she understood, though I was grateful for her kind words. But Jana--dear Jana, my new best friend on campus!--let me tell the story before she began to offer some encouragement straight out of Scripture. She is an amazing person. Encouragement is her gift of the Spirit, I'm sure of it. She never asked me for any names or big details (and I wasn't about to go "Hey, I fell for your fellow small-group leader at church") but just talking about it to somebody who got it was a huge blessing and it really took the weight off my chest. It especially helped because I knew 100% that she would keep my tender little heart in her prayers, no question. We spent a couple more hours before church talking about relationships and how I'm not as romantically clueless as I like to let people believe, simply because it's easier than explaining.

I'll tell you how much all that helped me: I went to church that night, saw him and his now-fiancee together, and didn't feel tempted to cry. I had a fleeting thought of buying a "Congrats on your engagement" card at Hallmark, but I decided against it when I realized my sentiment inside would read something to the effect of "You've got the most amazing man I've ever met. Take care of him" with an unspoken "or else."

So, here I am, better and stronger for everything that's happened.

And now I have to delete everything in my inbox because it's so overflowing. Sorry, guys. You know I still like you, right?

Also, GOOD NEWS! I am about to post the final installment of my ME2 Savannah arc! I know, you've been waiting for it forever. So have I. But life has been busy busy. Still, I have the enthusiasm to do it now. Nothing like "Oh hey the third game's out soon" to light a fire under my writerly behind. I hope you'll come read it when it's done. When it's all done I'll toss it up on FFnet.

I'm also thinking of linking my Twitter to this page if I can. I think that used to be an option but it's been so long since I've been here. Oh well.

Best get writing, then!

Love in Christ,
Steph